Failure

During this whole infertility process I've faced a lot of emotions. The hardest part of it all was feeling like a failure. I'm a woman, our bodies were made to have babies. Our bodies know exactly what to do and they know exactly when to do it. My body started failing me about a year ago. All of the sudden I just stopped ovulating. And I still can't wrap my mind around it. 

Lately I've tried to let go of that feeling of failure. For a long time I thought I was failing my husband too. I kept thinking that I was his chance to have a family and it's my fault that we are in this position. What a crappy way to feel. Luckily I pray. I pray often. When I'm feeling particularly crappy I pray all day long I feel like. But it really helps me. And lately I don't feel so sad and crappy about what my body isn't doing or what I think it should be doing. I feel like it's a process I work through each day. And thankfully I have family and friends who listen to me whine and complain. So lucky that I have an awesome support system! 

I wanted to thank each and everyone of you who have commented or messaged me. Thank you for your prayers, your thoughts and your personal stories you've shared. Makes me feel so much better I'm not alone! 

Until next time! 

~Amber

I Do....Now What?

Almost six years ago I said "I Do" to the love of my life. I was 23 years old. Naturally when you get married, immediately people ask right away "are you going to have kids?" Are you kidding me? I was 23 I was just a kid myself & kids were no where on my radar! I wanted to have fun with my new husband! 

Cut to four years later full on baby fever! My husband was finishing up pharmacy school and we were buying our first home. Our lives were taking off, we had everything we wanted and then some. So we took a big leap of faith, threw away the birth control pills and headed out on a new adventure! 

As a young girl you never think in your wildest dreams there would be an issue getting pregnant. It seems so easy right? You have sex, and more sex and yup that's right even more sex. But it should be easy, especially for two mid twenty somethings who've got their lives together, who love one another and have a strong marriage to have a baby. To complete their family. But In the past two years of this journey I've learned that life isn't fair. It just isn't. 

Two years have come and gone, and today I attended a class to prepare myself for our very first IVF cycle. A lot of prayers, tears, conversations & negative pregnancy tests have brought us to this point. While IVF isn't our first go at fertility treatments it is the most invasive thing we are going to try. We are about two weeks out from starting injections and daily meds. I hope that if you're reading this blog that you too can find encouragement and reassurance in your own journey. I don't know all the answers but I hope that this helps at least one person. We can be in this together.  And any words of encouragement or any advice along the way is welcome! 

Thanks for reading! 

~Amber